a reaction
Is there really a difficulty in love? Do difficulties really come with being in love? If love conquers all, why the difficulties? Is it because love is intersubjective? It’s interesting how love cannot be defined despite of the numerous descriptions it entails. Something as wonderful as love does not guarantee bed of roses forever…why is it that something as beautiful as love comes with pain, disappointment, and risk?
Hardest thing about falling in love
– I read this list in one of the posts in the bulletin long time ago and I feel like expressing my opinion.
1. Falling in love with your bestfriend. – it’s not really falling in love with your bestfriend that is difficult, but loving your bestfriend and knowing that he/she don’t/won’t/can’t love you the same way you love them is. To love them, is not difficult, but to accept the fact that they won’t look at you the way you see them is tough.
2. Falling in love with someone in love with your bestfriend. – falling in love with that person is easy. To let go of that love for him/her is difficult, but to keep on loving him/her knowing he/she will never be yours is much more challenging.
3. Loving someone too much it hurts – can you really hurt by just loving someone too much?
4. Choosing to let go of someone you love so much because it’s the only right thing to do. – what’s more difficult is choosing to let go of someone you love so much and knowing they might or will not return to you…or knowing they will never be yours again. It’s more difficult to choose to let go of someone you love so much because it’s the only right thing to do when you know that the reason why it’s right to do so is because they have already, long time ago, let go of the love you share together.
5. It takes time to have the one you LOVE, but just a second to lose it forever. LOVE is bliss until it’s gone. – Trust is the one you can lose in a second…love can’t die overnight. Altho’, it slowly dies away when trust has been damaged. To stay in love with someone you cannot trust is not only difficult, but also illogical and torture. And to love someone without trusting him/her is impossible…trying to do so is futile. we easily get confused with love, especially when we treat it as just a feeling. sure, people get confuse, but be careful of professing a strong sense of affection for it’s easy to forget where you stand in a relationship once conflicts rise and shake you. some say they hadn’t lost it, so were they just uncertain at the moment to know where it’s whereabouts? and if so, how trivial and unimportant it must be then for them to have them misplace it so easily.
6. Belonging to someone else when the right one comes along. – then it’s not love that you have for the person you are with to begin with if you think that you ought to be with the person that all of a sudden comes along. Love is also acceptance. How can one claim that he or she is in love when he/she falls for another “better” person that comes along? I don’t see the sense of it. How can you possibly just change your devotion from one person to another? More so, how can you say you love both of them equally? It’s cruelty to say you love someone when you love someone else.
7. Falling in love with someone who belongs to someone else. -…ah and to let go is the challenge! It is easy to fall for that person, but to continue loving him/her without expecting him/her to love you back the same way is selfless…and unlikely to happen.
8. Choosing between friendship and a relationship. – what is difficult is to try placing two different kinds of love into the same category or fusing two different things together into one as if it’s the same. What is difficult is being in a relationship that ruins a friendship…and thus being demanded to choose instead of being supported to create a bridge to connect the two.
9. Pretending to be NOT IN LOVE with someone when you’re actually dying to tell him/her that you are. – but why pretend? Why be secretive about something you love? Then, wouldn’t it go down to the idea of loving someone who can’t be yours.
10. Admitting to be in love with a friend despite his/her imperfections. – but why does it have to be difficult? I don’t think it’s supposed to be. I guess to swallow one’s pride is the one that is difficult…it would be more difficult to admit that you fell in love with the person you swore you will never even like. some are afraid that it might ruin the friendship, but it does not have to. your partners can be your bestfriend, and why not?
11. Realizing that the more you to try to forget, the more you try to fight the feeling, you just find yourself falling in love more. – It’s more difficult to choose love and deal with pain and betrayal at the same time. But to deal with pain without love is even worse. It is difficult to try to forget a memory of a love gone wrong. It is difficult to have a bittersweet memory…a love you dearly cherished which at the same time, the same love which the pain you wished to forget sprang from. It is difficult to forget that memory when the world around you is just full of it. Letters and pictures you can stash, trifles and mementos you can put in a box…but what about the little things in life you enjoyed most when you were together? How can you stash the sunset that reminds you so much of her/him? Can you pluck the moon from the sky and put it a box to put away? The scent of autumn rain and spring showers? The music, the scent? It is hard to forget the memory of love that brought pain or to forget a love that had been once a big part of you…so entwined that even mere reverie brought you back to the past you tried to leave behind. But maybe, what is even more difficult is to accept that, yes, the love that once brought happiness and life is the same love that brought tears and death wish.
12. Letting go of someone; and then realizing you will never find another one – or letting go of someone you really wanted to keep…and letting go of that someone because he/she thought that within your love there is no freedom when all you have been is trusting…making it seem that commitments equate cage and chains. you let go not because you have to, but you chose to out of respect for that person. it’s difficult not just because it’s the only thing to do, but it’s difficult because it hurts.
Reality check…love is not just a wonderful feeling. It is a choice. And with that choice come privileges and responsibilities. Sure it is not always sunshine and smiles, nor always springtime and merriment. With loving someone entail privileges and responsibilities. To love someone may bring pain somewhere in time…but does it stop us from loving? I’d rather choose love or to love…pain comes whether i love or not. I choose love and I’d rather remain in it…whether it means holding on or letting go. It may mean having being wronged, but it allows forgiveness. And even tho’ it entails taking the risk of hurting…it provides the soft soothing balm of healing….and if both parties are willing, it also [re]build the bridge of friendship.
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