Confrontation II
She came to my room, hesitating at first. But she resolved to knock instead. I opened the door and saw her standing looking at her fidgeting feet–something that tells me she was thinking. Startled by me opening the door immediately, her eyes greet me with a blank stare, lost from her train of thoughts.
I let her in my room, and we sat on my bed. Although she chatted about life in general, she seemed distracted. The sparkle in her bright eyes were quite dim. The bob of her short shiny hair was not reinforced by her usual fun, cheery self. When she finally ran out of things to say, she revealed what was in her mind.
She just needed a second opinion. But why does a dream bother her so much this time? She is logical and rational; steady and firm once her mind is set upon something. Hasn’t she vowed to herself that once she moved on she will not look back? And why this dream be any different? It isn’t unusual to dream about him!
What is so different about this dream that could possibly change her? I would be of no help if I am asking the same questions she was asking me.
We both sat and wondered in silence. I do not have the answers. I don’t think I will ever have them. I wonder if it implies something…perhaps a strong and persistent feeling she smothered into nonexistence. Perhaps it hadn’t died away like she thought it did. Maybe its bleak existence still lingers in the recesses of her heart, of her mind.
Her thoughts mirrored mine. For a moment her eyes communicated fear, as if asking in response to my deliberation; it says, "how can it possibly be when I cannot find myself taking him back if ever it would be the case?" For a moment confusion was expressed in her eyes as she gazed into oblivion. However, like a flash of lightning, a glimmer glazed over the concerned looked of her eyes. Resolute like her character, her eyes burned with a new fervor…a new strength. Something changed. She reached out for my hand to clasp it within hers. And her strong grip and her eyes, dancing, spoke of determination. I was happy to see her bright eyes again eager and renewed. Has she found the answer, I wondered.
No. Neither of us will find an answer to such questions, especially questions bore from such dreams. She found not an answer, but an approach.
She left my room bearing her confidence. How did she find it back? I don’t know. Like me, she still doesn’t have the answers, but she did leave me with a way to look at it. It was just a dream, nothing more. So what if there is a tiny possibility of a bleak loving feeling? She had loved him, and that is that. The thought was only a tiny possibility…nothing more. Her life continues. It didn’t stop with the cessation of her relationship with him. Hence, she cannot lag behind merely waiting for answers, especially answers that might not even be there to begin with. Why crumble from the past? And why now?
As long as God grants us breath, our life continues. So, what about it? It was just a dream, a possibility…nothing more.
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