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Nice Girls Who Get Noticed are Often Taken for Granted

-"Nice Guys Finish Last" and "Good Girls Don’t Get Noticed" they say. But, ever wonder about the nice girls who do get noticed? Some nice girls are in luck to get noticed by nice guys, but a lot are not so fortunate to find themselves in a same lot. There are those who get noticed and yet end up unappreciated. So, here’s for those nice girls who get noticed yet taken for granted.

This is for the nice girls who, though were found and though didn’t lower their standards, are taken for granted, undervalued, and who are less appreciated for what they are and for what they do. For the kind of girl who is taken for as ignorant when in fact those who say such things do not realize the difference between ignorance and naiveté. I am talking about the nice kind girlfriend who does the best she can to be supportive, caring, and attentive to her man’s needs, and the type who take every opportunity to learn more about him so she will be able to provide understanding rather than jealous rampage. For the kind of girlfriend who loves, not only with all of her heart, but loves with all of herself, this is for you.

A nice girlfriend, being a nice girl that she is, is always there for him. She may either be right beside him or miles away, but she is ready and open to feel his hurt and share his load. And tho’ often he thinks that she can never understand nor feel the pain he feels because she is not physically present, she just listens to him complain. Tho’ he often forgets she can imagine and try to understand what he’s going through, her patience extends a little further more. She lovingly listens to his pining, offering assurances of love and comfort even tho’ that doubt he has, has drove her to be silent about the pain she feels for him and mute about the added hurt brought by the fact that she can’t be physically beside him despite of her great desire to be there. And tho’ he goes on about how lonesome he is, instead of whining for him to consider her plight—that she too longs for his comfort, she offers comforting words instead and take satisfaction to the simple idea that his happiness will be her happiness as well. Such kind of girl is often appreciated less than she deserves.

There are also nice girlfriends who share the same geographical location with their man, and yet are still doubted upon. I meant the kind of girlfriend whose role is misunderstood as silent buffers for his rant of a bad day. I meant the nice girlfriend who is so patient enough to let her man rebuild his ruined ego by continually complaining to her yet still goes on saying she can never fathom how he feels. She is sharp enough to hold her tongue before being misconstrued as someone who nags. She is quick enough to keep her peace and let him talk all his frustrations out. She is asked what she thinks but expected to say what he wanted to hear. And tho’ she is considerate enough, she’s either misunderstood as someone who doesn’t have to say anything because she can’t understand or as someone who doesn’t understand because she said something. Yet despite of choosing exasperated frustration, she chooses loving understanding.

There is also the nice girlfriend who doesn’t easily get annoyed when in the middle of expressing her frustrations he disrupts her to tell her his complaints. And tho’ they never get to talk about how she felt, she lets it slide knowing she was able to comfort her man. She is patient with these common occurrences even though he came to use such tactic as an excuse from talking about conflicts they need to deal with. And tho’ she hopes he would show more maturity, she painstakingly waits for him to take the initiative to change. However, this kind of girlfriend are too quickly seen as a doormat and spineless rather than understanding.

I am talking about the nice girls, who were taken granted for their kindness. They are often underestimated and seen as too giving and too trusting rather than being truly admired for being able to focus on the goodness of the people around them. And when these nice girls hurt, they are often looked down upon, blamed for being too nice. Their loving nature is often seen as martyrdom rather than seen for their strength to endure challenge. Their faith in all the good concepts of humanity is seen as a downfall rather than encouraged by guarding the trust they willingly offer. And when these nice girls choose love and forgiveness, society sees them weak, but the world doesn’t realize that it takes more strength and courage to rise above hatred, anger, and bitter resentment.

A nice girlfriend often ends up being neglected and forgotten. When he fell into temptation, her feelings are set aside and in apology’s stead, he places excuses. If she is not blamed, she is expected to understand his carnal manhood. Rather than hearing ‘I’m sorry’ she hears ‘I’m a man’, expected to accept the alibi that emphasizes men’s weakness, deviating the focus from all human’s power to decide. Her human capabilities are forgotten. She is forgotten as someone who, like him, is faced with the same temptations; and he forgets that like her, he can choose to remain true. She is forgotten as someone who feels loneliness too, someone who needed assurance and comfort, and as someone who is capable of feeling pain. And in the place of remembering her feelings and trust, reigns his excuse that she would always understand.

Nice girls who stand by their man for whatever cost, who pour their best to the relationship they have committed themselves into, who muster strength when he feels weak, who look for and keep the tiny spark of hope when all he sees is despair, who take up the role of a witness of his life—whether through good and bad times—sharing both laughter and tears, accomplishments and failures; who do not just stand by without offering help, who chose to commit themselves in a relationship rather than play with the game it was mistaken for, and who chose to act and remain in love rather than mere professing it, they are the ones who often get short of what they deserve. And though they get noticed, it is often they get noticed for the wrong reasons. It is a sad reality that most often they are sought out only for what they can give, what guys can get away with being with them, for what they can make others feel, but not for what and who they are or for who and what they can be.

Nice girls are now extinct species. Although there are nice girls who are fortunate to meet their wonderful destinies, there are so many who does not get such luck. We wonder why nice girls are rare, yet we failed to see that our perceptions and acceptance drove them to dwindling existence. Seldom were glasses raised in a toast to offer the accolades that are due them. Seldom were they praised for what they really are. But to you, nice girls who are taken for granted, I raise my voice in tribute. I encourage you to stand firm to your standards and be firm of setting the bar reasonably high enough. Continue to be nice and kind without losing your great individuality and nobility. Remain unselfishly patient without giving up your  rights. Though your benevolence and compassion is not limitless, though your strength is fueled with exhaustible fire, and though your patience may one day run dry, may you rise above the petty rush of wrath like you’ve always done. Your continued existence soften the coarse edges of life’s reality, for in a fast changing world we still desire to maintain order and goodness. For without such nice girls, who would show grace to unruly men? Without you, would there be second chances for those repentant ones? Without you, there is no hope for the remaining nice guys to stay nice.

Belle, ON 082605

~ by klengsfile on August 10, 2007.