a click for my thoughts

How do you say good-bye to a loved-one? How do you let go of someone dear?

When a family member leaves, whether we have been very close to him/her or not, we still feel the longings gnawing within us. But when someone in our family dies, we feel the loss along with those longings. How do we say good-bye?

Well, we cry a little. We hurt a little. But is it really how one say good-bye to a loved-one?

I grew up knowing, believing, and seeing that all my father’s siblings, including him, totals to eleven–one short of the twelve tribes of Israel. Of course my knowledge of them and my rapport with each of them varies, but all of them are respected and loved by me nonetheless. So when we heard that their eldest, who was diagnosed with cancer, was brought home from the hospital because doctors can’t do much for her anymore, that lump of impending ‘feeling of longingness’ started to form.

I wasn’t very close to her. I was young to remember all the interactions I had with her. We seldom visited and only saw each other on family reunions; and even during those times, I cared more about playing with my cousins than bond with her or any of my uncles and aunts. But she was always very nice and sweet and loving to me and my cousins, and all the little ones. And I remember thinking that most likely during their younger days, she was probably the most beautiful among my father’s sisters (no offence to my other aunts ^_^). So to see a picture of her lying on her bed, ridden with illness and too weak to even stand…I couldn’t seem to believe it. It was as if I refuse to replace the beautiful image of her I always have in my mind.

And now, she’s gone. I didn’t cry, but that doesn’t mean I am not sad. I try to remember what I can remember about her, and how I wish I have plenty to recount. It will be the only thing that we have of her. And I still cannot fully fathom how the ‘eleven’ won’t be ‘eleven’ anymore. It seems so hard to get it to sink in.

I take pride in my family. Tho’ we’re scattered to different places, somehow the existence of others brings comfort one way or another. Our joys, our pain…everything we know of each other are shared. And we know there’s quite a good number of us who share the load we carry, the accomplishment we celebrate, the prayers we utter…that even the loss of one is greatly missed.

How do we say good-bye to a loved-one? How do we let go of someone so close and dear? I think the answer is…we don’t. Even in death it is never a good-bye. It is ’see you in the resurrection morning’. Burying a loved one who passed away does not mean letting go; for even in grave, ties are not severed. And I believe that, for my aunt, we will see her when Jesus comes again –a comfort that soothes our sad longings.

~ by klengsfile on April 20, 2008.