a click for my thoughts

It’s fun to look back from time to time (when looking back neither hurts…nor strains your neck anymore ^_^ ) and try to see how far you’ve come, how much you have changed or improved (preferrably improved), and how much you have grown.

I love looking back at old journals, old photos, old boxes of sentimental trinkets, and just reminisce. Contrasting the past to the present brings a spectrum of emotions. I love sorting through my boxes of ‘aribubot’ and of course when I do so, I automatically would reminisce. Some brought regret, some bittersweet memories…but most often I’d find myself laughing for I would recollect the stupidity and silliness I had (and perhaps still have…but controlled).

I remember reading my old journals…and woah! Talk about ESL! and not to mention the highschool drama! But at least…now this is the part where I say…I’ve grown.

But focusing on my writing style and whatever I can call writing skills, I say strong emotions are my booze that makes me write better. When I was "in love", I was like a hallmark card! And when I was hurt or when I was angry or even upset, I was eloquent with what I feel; describing my thoughts, my opinion, my feelings, my distaste and disgust in the most euphemized way as possible. (Is there such a word as "euphemized"? Well, we can tell I am neither lalady-happy nor raging mad.) And sometimes my thinking seemed profound.

I was reviewing the posts I have here and recollecting a few I had elsewhere and a few I decided not to put up for public display, and I can point out which ones I wrote when I went through break-up, the ones I did when I was moved with sadness or longings, the ones I made when I was excitedly happy or can’t-get-over-the-fact impressed or overwhelmed, and the ones I wrote because of frustration or anger. But then again we can all argue that I can easily point them out because I am the one who made them and I’d remember, even at least vaguely, the period in my life when I wrote them. Good point taken. But, if I ask you to pick one you think is the best I’ve done so far…I’m pretty sure a strong emotion was its muse. Now, don’t pick this…because I think I am far off the real point I intended to have.

But like I said it’s fun to look back. And looking back, I sometimes would inevitably come across with the phrases: "I remember when I thought differently" or "I remember when this is what I know" etc. If I would have a "See how far I’ve grown" series, I wonder…perhaps I can really say I’ve journeyed far…or at least I hope I made that much progress! But then again, you’d only agree with me if you know enough about me.

Oh well. *ponders* Maybe I should have that "see how far I’ve grown" series. ^_^

~ by klengsfile on May 17, 2008.