And Though I May Not See Clearly
“And things might not always turn out the way I like it to be, but I thank Him for what He already has done for me before and what He has done for me so far. And I know, I only have the picture of what the present reveals, but I believe and I trust that even if I ended up not being able to go to South Korea, He still has something much better in store for me. I will not think He does not call me for His purpose, rather I will think He has a different purpose for me. And I believe, He will provide the next step for me to take.”
About a week after the North American Division approved my assignment in South Korea, the host division (North Asia-Pacific Division) and the General Conference of SDA sent their approval. I was thankful, and too overwhelmed at the same time. It’s amazing how God has been opening doors for me to be able to go. But I knew that another crucial part remains—the visa; for without it I still won’t be able to leave.
Sometime in the beginning of this month, I got an email from the coordinator of the Human Resources of SDA Language School in Korea. With the email is the visa issuance number they have obtained for me in Korea. I was told to contact the Korean Consulate as to how to obtain my visa. I did as I was told and soon I found myself in the Korean Consulate with my passport, application, and other necessary things required of me. I was granted an interview in two days and in two days I was back in the same building.
Before my interview, a female staff came to talk to me and asked me a few questions about my citizenship. She then also said that I am most likely to be denied a visa because I was not born in Canada (or any of the seven countries whose primary language is English), unless I provide a proof that I have studied in any of those countries since grade 7. Of course, I cannot provide such proof. And she told me that it doesn’t matter if I speak english well, or if I have studied in an international school in my home country, it is part of the regulations.
I still did my interview, and she still told me that I have 1% chance of obtaining a visa. Though aware of the disappointing possibility, I dwell on the small window of hope. Praying and hoping that God will make a miracle. But two days after, I received a phone call indicating the official decision that I won’t get a visa.
It was disappointing. And yes, I am sad. I feel like I was Abraham told to sacrifice Isaac. After at least more than a year of praying for it and preparing myself for such decision, after all the open doors that lead me to the last big hurdle, I suddenly encounter a halting stop. But I thank God that I was not left to despair and wallow in devastation. I wasn’t devastated. Somehow I feel like there is still something to hope for.
Oh yes, I had questions. I wonder whether I have read God’s will and God’s leading differently. I wonder what His plan really is for me. I wonder what this experience meant. I wonder if the hope I feel and have in me is a hope that I may still go to South Korea. But just like Abraham, I know God will provide. And though I can’t see the big picture, I know it is something wonderful.
I refuse to believe, or even think, that God is a tease by leading me on to believe I would have something only to withold it from me. I refuse to indulge the idea that God misled me to build my hopes up just to see if I will be faithful still. It sure is a test of faith, but I believe I didn’t go all through the trouble for nothing. For everything God has done for me and for the things He did through me, I know He has a purpose. I still believe He has a purpose for me, and I am willing to follow His will.
Two days after I got the phone call from the Korean Consulate in Toronto, I got a phone call from the SDALS coordinator I was corresponding with. I was told and encouraged to try applying in a different consulate. After letting them know my concerns, they encouraged me to nonetheless try. They provided support and great interest in having me to be able to go and work with them, that my declining spirit was somehow invigorated. However, I was also torn between apprehension due to recent rejection and determination to try every possibility. I wonder if this is another lifeline God is sending me, a ram among the bushes to replace Isaac. And yet, I’m also reluctant that my persistent spirit might get me into misinterpreting God’s will.
But since for now I am only asked to inquire, then in faith I will inquire. I know God will grant the wisdom to know what the next step to take after that.
I am fully aware there is a big chance I will be denied again. I know that there is a possibility that God saw a greater use for me somewhere else. I know that I only know so little of the grand design He has for my life. Nonetheless, “though I may not see clearly, I will lift my voice and sing ‘cause Your love does amazing things. Lord, I know my life is in Your hands. I trust you Lord. My life is in Your hands.”
It still is a struggle for me to say that I thank God for not granting me a visa because I presently do not know what He has instore for me. But I definitely thank Him for the experience. I know there is something to be learned from it. I know it builds character and faith. I know if I stick by Him, God can use me to bring Him glory even in such situation. And I know for sure that He has a wonderful future instore for me.
I thank Him for the open doors He has given me. I thank Him for the guidance. I thank Him for the hope He has given me despite my disappointment. I thank Him for lifting me and keeping me from despair. I thank Him for family who comforts and supports. And I thank Him for everything He has given me thus far and for the things He will provide.
Truly, putting our hope in God is not mere positive thinking. We are aware of the harsh reality of life, but we don’t despair. When we hope in the Lord we will find that there is something to be certainly positive about. And in our heart is a hopeful, thankful music of praise to sing.
Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
Jeremiah 29:11 “ For I know the plans I have for you…plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
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