Welcome back, Nes! ^_^
What a funny twist of fate! Who knew that in one conversation, things will be clearer and everything else is much better?
I used to write him letters that I wouldn’t even dare to send or give him. I used to scribble all the things I feel and wanted to say, but couldn’t say. Yes, I used to do all those after our friendship turned sour. And what a rollercoaster ride it was for me to fully grasp and understand what was happening between us. Indeed, it was one chaotic moment in my teenage life…with so much confusion, so much doubt, so much struggle, and so much hurt.
I expressed myself, and my feelings in those letters and in poems. I could not bring myself to shake him and scream at him to force him to tell me what was going on. I used to say, “everything can be resolve with a simple diplomacy and a simple talk”. I guess that is only true when both parties are willing. But I didn’t know what to do if one does not wish to exchange words or thoughts with me. So, when helplessness and what seemed hopelessness overcame me, I succumbed to letting go. And what strong words have I loosen in writing! And what strong words and remarks I regretted.
I wrote, “…I used to say I wouldn’t care anymore, and I will never care…ever… But the great thing friendship taught me is that I will always care…” And it was so true. I used to tell myself over and over again, “I wouldn’t care anymore”. Perhaps, that was to numb myself from the ill feelings I do not wish to feel then. And yet, I kept finding myself caring.
After years of no communication, the pain faded. But the question remains unanswered, shoved to the back corner of my thoughts. It was no longer a mystery I so eagerly wanted to solve. It was no longer a skeleton that haunts my reverie. And every recollection of him became a wondering thought and a hope that someday all will be well somehow.
What a surprise to finally have the opportunity to clear everything! A pleasant surprise to find his willingness and openness! It was a surprise I gladly welcome.
Interesting how some secrets can ruin a friendship, and yet pave the way for other relationships. It is interesting how there are so many things we could have avoided if one single idea had been expressed. Yet it’s also interesting how that one idea might bring ruin if mentioned and made known.
But as I look back now, having all sides of our story pieced together, I can’t help but laugh in amazement of what it was all along. I can’t help but laugh at what it was that brought him and me in such a tangle. I can’t help but felt silly of what I wrote…and felt embarrassed of what I thought. I can’t help but feel glad that despite of it, good things happen for us individually, and somehow good things for other people resulted from it and happened eventually. But also, I can’t help but warmly smile from within about how our simple conversation turned and made everything in our neglected friendship better and clearer.
From the last poem I wrote for him, I said,
“…It takes an open mind to accept,
But a clear thought to be reasonable;
A different environment to visualize,
And a little while to ponder.
It takes prayer to find strength
And hope to seek out answers.
It takes love to try,
And determination to keep on going.
It takes patience to wait for time
–a time that, in a moment, heals.
It takes forgiveness to forget,
And understanding to forgive.
But it will take us a little talk
To understand.”
Indeed, it took us just a simple talk to rebuild the friendship and to make it even better. And I thank God for the opportunity of that ‘little talk’. To my good friend…
Welcome back, my good old friend!
I am glad we are both back.
We both have been gone long,
But our friendship seems back on track.
I have forgotten how I missed it,
And how our laughter seemed to lack.
I have forgotten how it was so much fun.
I have forgotten until you brought me back.
Let us celebrate and let us cheer!
Let laughter never lack;
For here we are once again,
My friend, welcome back!
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